Today’s on a Sunday and I’m seated in my room trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. I want so many things, so many. I had a chance to sum it all up and this is what I came up with; I want to be a successful daughter, mother and wife to all that fill the void in my heart. So, I have like three quarters of what I’m aspiring in life. I have both parents (thank God), siblings, friends…ok, I have half of my aspirations. My, my, my… there’s always been this one problem with me, I have no feelings. This is me being hard on myself. Of course, I have feelings. The problem is, I have no err… what do we call that feeling where a likes you and you get to like him back and in no time you guys are in love, dating, engaged, married and wahlah! Babies? That is what I’m talking about; that’s the kind of feelings that I never familiarize with.
Ok, I know what most of you are thinking, that I’m gay. Nah, honey I love men so very much that I have like a new crush every second; well it depends on what kind of male beings are displayed on my way to wherever I’m going. I love my men like sugarcane; tall, hard and sweet. The race doesn’t matter. I’d be lying if I say that size doesn’t matter to me; it does, a lot. most of my friends say that I’m single because I’m choosy but let’s face it, who would settle for less? Not me. I know what I want, want what I want and go for what I want, no ‘maybes’ in between there.
Then there is a question of faith and religion and beliefs and tradition and… honestly, God fearing men tend to be a real turn on to me. Don’t confuse God fearing and religious, there is a big difference darling. God fearing men always ask themselves if what they are doing is right by God so they will always live right and I’m a huge fan of living right. I want to be treated right, spoken to right, respected right, seen right and above all, loved right.
Love. The most underestimated overrated word in the whole wide world. People misuse this word and I don’t blame them, love is love; people love to love wrong and give the wrong kind of love and in the end, love always wins. I’m not against love, hell no. I love my family and would do anything for them so love is a good thing but have you ever taken a second to think about it? What would you do for love? I would die for love that’s the honest truth but the person better be worth it because I would never silence my little pump for a mediocre.
What are you saying? What I’m saying is, my family aside, I’ve never met a man that is worth my life, my time, my heart, my love. At least not yet. And I really want to feel it. I want to one day smile like a teenager when my phone beeps signaling a new text. I want to sleep late at night holding on to my phone like my life depends on it because of a man. I want to have stupid fights and cry on my best friend’s lap over a man, break up and make up. I want to have date nights and wild nights of doing that which is forbidden and miss it all when ‘man’ is away. I want it all, I want a man.